Jasmin Newman discusses her experiences with anger in men and the place of compassion and empathy before judgment.
Angry, aggressive, toxic, irritated, hateful. These are all words used to describe many of the men with whom I communicate on a daily basis. They are accused and judged as bitter and resentful, often being described as misogynistic and promoting violence against women, even though there is no basis for these accusations.
I’m not naïve, ignorant, blind or uneducated. I am a coach, and my primary skill set is to ask poignant questions as a vehicle to hear the experiences and stories of men. I don’t ask questions so that I can give an opinion or to fix men’s problems. I ask questions so that they can find their voice to speak about their pain.
And then I listen.
You silently scream at everyone you know for help. “Tell me I’m not alone; tell me that life will one day be better, tell me that I matter and that I make a difference. Tell me that I’m loved, that someone, anyone please tell me you care about what I am going through.”
When you are in that place you hurt, you hurt so badly there really aren’t words to describe it. Your soul has been cut and it’s haemorrhaging. You don’t know how to stop it; you don’t know how to patch it up. Your entire existence, every single moment of every part of the day revolves around that hurt
When I first started speaking to men in my groups about anger it was something that I thought they shouldn’t have. I still believe to this day that we need to move on from anger to heal; however what I think about what they need for the future is irrelevant until such time as they are heard in the present.